I Finally Segmented My Network… by Cutting the Ethernet Cable!
I Finally Segmented My Network… by Cutting the Ethernet Cable!
For years, I’ve preached the value of network segmentation.
Break your network into zones. Isolate IoT devices. Limit lateral movement. The usual.
But recently, I had a breakthrough. One so simple, so obvious, I’m frankly embarrassed I didn’t think of it sooner.
I cut the Ethernet cable.
A Revolutionary New Approach to Cyber Hygiene
It started with my smart thermostat acting up again. I asked myself: Why does this thing even need to talk to the printer? Then it hit me:
If devices shouldn’t talk to each other… maybe they just shouldn’t be connected.
So I grabbed my wire cutters and got to work.
The thermostat cable? Snip.
The smart TV? Unplugged, wrapped in aluminum foil, and relocated to a Faraday cage (a.k.a. my shed).
The printer? Now lives in the freezer—isolated and cold, but very secure.
I call it Physical Zero Trust™.
No network, no problem.
What About Wi-Fi?
Don’t worry—I didn’t forget wireless.
To prevent rogue devices from reconnecting, I wrapped my Wi-Fi router in two layers of copper mesh, just to keep it humble.
Then I wrote a script that rotates the SSID to a new random 32-character string every 60 seconds.
Sure, nothing can actually connect anymore, but that’s the point.
This isn’t just segmentation, it’s Wireless Evaporation™.
Lateral Movement? Not on My Watch
In the past, I worried about attackers moving laterally across my flat home network. But with each device now physically relocated and completely offline, they’d need to:
Break into my house
Know which drawer the gaming console lives in
Hope the smart lightbulbs boot up
Reverse-engineer the thermostat using a flashlight and a coat hanger
Get past the Post-It note that says “Not today, threat actor.”
It’s a bold move—but one that has eliminated all east-west traffic, all telemetry, and (accidentally) all convenience.
Downsides
Okay, I’ll admit a few trade-offs:
The toaster no longer gets firmware updates.
I can’t remember where I put the router. It may be under the couch.
My wife says, “You’ve gone too far.” I say, “You can never be too segmented.”
Final Thoughts
In an age of sophisticated cyber threats, we need bold, disruptive solutions.
You can keep your VLANs and firewall rules. I’ll be over here, living the air-gapped dream, with a network so secure, even I can’t use it.
Happy April Fools’ Day!
(And seriously—go segment your network.)
